


Dick has problems

by 19lilacdemetrius97



Series: BabyBatCult [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Bruce is a good dad, Bruce loves his kids, Bruce needs a vacation, Dick has angst, Fluff and Humor, Kid Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-28 17:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17792042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/19lilacdemetrius97/pseuds/19lilacdemetrius97
Summary: Bruce loves his kids, he really does. It's just sometimes they can be pretty taxing.orDick has problems figuring out who he is and Jason wants to send him to military school





	Dick has problems

Whoever thought teenagers were a good idea was either a genius or an idiot. Bruce wasn’t sure which one just yet. He only had one teenager at the time and he was… well he was a lot of things.

His name was Dick Grayson and he was Bruce’s oldest child at 15 years old. He was a sweet kid with a chaming smile and a little brother complex that Bruce deemed slightly unhealthy.

He was also struggling to find himself and was in the process of discovering it. Last month he joined his school’s football team because Kathy Corton only dates football players and she’s the hottest girl at school. He ended up quitting a week later because he twisted his ankle.

Before that during the summer he had started hanging out with this guy with tattoos who hung out at the gym Dick went to. Dick changed a lot and when Bruce confronted him he was met with ‘You don’t understand dad, it’s not a phase, this is the real me’ and Bruce didn’t know exactly what happened after that but for some reason Dick ended up bleaching his hair and dying it a red color except he didn’t do it correctly so it ended up being pink. Dick changed gyms after that to avoid the shame.

Before that Dick decided that he didn’t want to be Dick anymore and he wanted to be called Richie and Richie dressed in solely expensive colorful tight pants with button down shirts and vests. He ended up giving Richie up because he kept forgetting to respond to that name.

Don’t even get Bruce started on the hipster and 80’s stages Dick went through.

Now apparently Dick was trying to be edgy and rebellious.

Except...

He was really bad at it and honestly Bruce was kind of disappointed at Dick. The kid wore solely black clothes and fishnets. Fishnet! He also somehow acquired a bunch of band tee shirts with bands on them that Bruce never even heard of. Bruce knew for a fact that Dick didn’t actually like any of the music he claimed to because all he would blast from his room was Avril Lavigne and Linkin Park. 

The only positive thing that was coming out of this was the fact that Cass, Tim and Dami decided to scrap book the whole thing. It was genius and honestly Bruce was a little disappointed that he didn’t think of it himself. They made a pretty scary team. Cass was the oldest at 9 and the leader of the little group - Jason calls them the Demon Cult but Bruce refuses to call them that no matter how accurate that may be- and she was a force to be reckoned with. Bruce wasn’t sure how different their relationship would be if they didn’t have this strange alliance with each other. That’s a story for another day though. 

Back to Dick. Cass, Tim and Damian were scrapbooking Dick’s whole crisis. Mostly because they were annoyed because during one of Dick’s phases where he was only eating organic, gluten free foods he ate 10 vegan cupcakes the trio had made with Alfred for Damian’s class. They got over it a while ago but Bruce suspected they were still doing it for fun.

That or future blackmail. 

He hoped they were just doing it for fun.

Bruce sighed. He really did not want to sit them down for another talk. Last time that happened it didn’t go well. Cass, Tim and Damian had this strategy for whenever they suspected Bruce was upset with them and it was highly effective. Damian was five, Tim was seven and Cass was nine and all three of them were really cute. They had big childish eyes that watered on command and adorable little pouts that had Bruce hooked. They all acted so well behaved and like perfect children except they weren’t well behaved perfect children. They just knew how to not get caught.

“What’s got you so down?”

Bruce looked up from his newspaper as Jason walked into the room. Jason was ten and he was a little odd. He had messy black hair and blue-green eyes hidden behind thick frames. He liked reading and he was currently writing a book that Bruce was not allowed to read or hear until it was done. He had signed a contract with the demon cult- err the trio - which gave them the right to critique his work in exchange for bedtime stories. Either the latest chapter Jason wrote or some of Jason’s favorite works. Recently Jason ran out of books he already read and had moved onto new books he hadn’t read yet so that the four of them could explore the book together.

Other times Jason would yell and scream at the trio for being annoying or something else like that. Whatever they were fighting about always became null around bedtime though - Bruce suspected the contract had something to do with that but Bruce had yet to find this contract.

Bruce shook his head to clear it. “Just thinking.”

“About Dickie?” Jason asked. “I saw him putting on eyeliner earlier.”

Bruce wasn’t surprised.

“I was thinking military school.” Jason continued. “I think he’d strive there.”

That wasn’t a half bad idea. Still… “I’m not sending Dick to military school.”

Jason shrugged and grabbed an apple from the fruit basket in the middle of the island. He took a big bite out of it and sat down. “Just a thought. Dick would be perfect for military school.”

Of course Dick had to walk in at that moment. Bruce faintly noticed Dick’s eyeliner. It was a little messy and sloppy, probably because it was his first time doing it. Overall Bruce gives him a 4/10.

“You want to send me to military school?” Dick demanded. He glared at Jason. “Maybe you should go to military school!”

“I’m not the one in fishnets.” Jason countered. 

“Fishnets are in Jason.”

“Fishnets don’t work for you.”

“They totally do. Amber Brayers thinks they make me look hot.”

“Amber Brayers is high and drunk most of the time. She thought a bush looked hot a few days ago.” Jason told him with a raised eyebrow.

“You’re just jealous.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Jealous of what? Listen, if you go to military school then I get to experience what life as an only child is like.”

“You have three little siblings!”

“Oh please. You can’t honestly believe that the Demon cult is human. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Cass stare at a wall for three hours straight. Tim hacked into school to prove a point and Damian can throw knives with scary accuracy.”

“They’re human!”

“You’re just biased because you think they’re cute!”

Bruce sighed as he tuned the two of them out. He put his mug in the sink and snuck out of the room. He heard a loud crash followed by screaming and decided to ignore it like any good parent would.

Maybe he could go on a short vacation to someplace sunny and without kids. Him and Alfred. They both deserved a break. Who could babysit though? 

He’d have to ask around. Who hasn’t met his kids yet?

Oliver? Clark? Lex?

Maybe that’s too mean. He did decide to take on these kids and he should take responsibility for them. Bruce hummed to himself as he entered his office. He found Cass, Tim and Damian in a circle. They three of them were holding hands and were chanting something in what sounded like Latin. They stopped when they notice him and just stared at him before slowly getting up and walking away.

Two weeks in the Bahamas sounds lovely on the other hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed : )


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